There are times when isolation is almost deafening. It surrounds me in the middle of a room full of people. My thoughts are like a cage that keep me captive and away from everyone. I feel raw and beaten. Mostly by my own mind. These are the moments when I wonder if I will ever be myself again. These are the moments that can happen at any time, even on the great days. This is my depression in its truest form.
I read somewhere that if someone has three bad moments happen to them in one day, it will wreck their day. Sometimes I only need to have one thing that I've done wrong and that will be end of my day. I'm not writing this in search of pity. I'm not looking for attention and, before you ask, I'm doing just fine, thankyouverymuch. I don't need to be committed. I just need to get the point across that depression, chronic depression like mine, doesn't just go away. In the midst of great things, there are still niggling emotions that can overpower and eclipse everything.
So then, what do I do? I put a smile on my face... no, I don't. That's just a boldfaced lie. I go about what I'm doing quietly. I keep my conversation with God going. I put one foot in front of the other and pray. I pray about all things that are going great and I pray about the things that are dragging me down. I recite bible verses that bring me comfort. I rest in the arms of Jesus and know that he is there. I persevere and continue on so that when I see someone else battling their way through I can use my own experience to help lift them up. To make them aware that in the midst of their isolation someone knows and is waiting with them to get through to a better mindset.
You know the saying, the grass is always greener on the other side? This is my attempt to find greener grass right where I am in my life.
BTW - I'm the one on the right, just in case you didn't already know that.